Nuff Said!!!

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the WINDOWS 2006 Southern EDITION may have accidentally been shipped outside of the south.
If you have one of these, you may need help understanding the commands.
The Southern EDITION may be recognized by the unique opening screen. It reads: WINDERS 2006, with a background picture of Waylon and Willie superimposed on a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Please also note:
The R ecycle Bin is labeled "Outhouse"
My Computer is called "This Dern Contraption"
Dial Up Networking is called "Good Ol' Boys"
Control Panel is known as "The Dashboard"
Hard Drive is referred to as "4-Wheel Drive"
Floppies are "Them little ol' plastic thangs"
Instead of an error message, "Duct Tape" pops up.

CHANGESIN TERMINOLOGY IN Southern EDITION:
Cancel............stopdat
Reset..............try'er agin
Yes...............yep
No................nope
Find...............hunt fer it
Go to............over yonder
Back...............back yonder
Help..............hep me out here
Stop...............kwitit (WHOA!)
Start............crank'er up
Settings..........settins
Programs......... stuff at duz stuff
Documents....... stuff ah done did



Also note that the Southern EDITION does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks. Some programs that are exclusive to WINDERS 2006:

Tiperiter............a word processing program
Colerin' Book.................a graphics program
Cyferin' Mersheen...........calculator
Outhouse Paper................notepad
Inner-net.....................Microsoft explorer 5.0
Pitchers a graphics viewer

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused. If you received a copy of the Southern EDITION, you may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.

I hope this helps all y'all!

BillyBob
 

I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for Lola and was in line
to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog........ Duh!

I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting
The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up
in the hospital the last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I
awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my
orifices and IV's in both arms. Her eyes about bugged out of her head.

I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it.
I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works
is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or
two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is
nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now
enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was
that why I ended up in the hospital.

I said no......I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt when a car hit me.



I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.